


On Sweeterizing Cookies (Doctor Wasabi's abandoned paper)

by SkeletalConstellation



Category: Cookie Run (Video Game)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Autism Spectrum, Background Character Death, Dubious Science, Everyone has autism because I have autism and I said so, Gen, Heavy Angst, Human Experimentation, I don't know this is kinda a vent, I'm Not Ashamed, I'm Sorry, If you didn't pick it up Non-Sweet is a metaphor for ASD, Mad Science, Medical Experimentation, Mental Health Issues, a 4K words vent, and how doing so leads to the dehumanization and torture of those who are neurodivergent, but also how those who are neurodivergent may seek normalcy, hooboy, science gone wrong, this is one big heavy-handed metaphor about the futility of finding a "cure" for neurodivergency
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-12-07 00:45:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18227630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletalConstellation/pseuds/SkeletalConstellation
Summary: One of Dr. Wasabi's unfinished papers is called "On Sweeterizing Cookies".But why is it unfinished?





	On Sweeterizing Cookies (Doctor Wasabi's abandoned paper)

**Author's Note:**

> This was a monster to complete, but it's done, I'm satisfied, everything's peachy  
> Hope you enjoy this beast, this ain't a feel-good fic.

_If you found this paper, I would advise against reading it. The things I have done are unforgivable at best, completely abhorrent at worst, and I make no attempt to defend my actions. Instead, I lay bare all of them here, all my notes, all my horrible choices, all my worst mistakes. Even my own stomach turns thinking of what I did in the name of progress- what I did in the name of personal pride. The research contained within is written in graphic detail, and it describes inhumanity that would make the most forgiving saint send me to the gallows for my sins. It truly is the devil's work._

_Once again, I urge you not to read this, but I know human curiosity may drive you to open this anyway._

_All I ask is that you do not judge me too harshly if the horrors within are too much to palate._

_May the gods have mercy on my wretched soul._

_-Dr. W. C._

  
  
  


Wasabi had never been what one could consider “normal” by any standards. Truthfully, she and normalcy were worlds apart.

Some said it wa a byproduct of her creation- whatever cosmic entity had put her together had been a little too enthusiastic about adding her namesake ingredient to her dough, creating a being whose flavor- and by extent, personality- wasn’t palatable by society.

She always knew she wasn’t “normal”. That much was apparent by her trouble making friends and was reaffirmed by her inability to keep them. They’d always leave for one reason or another- she was too loud, she interrupted too much, she would always say the wrong thing. Her personality was as burning as her flavor- and nobody likes the taste of that much wasabi all at once.

All this constant rejection from those around her made her close herself off from other people, turning her focus to something that fascinated her from the very beginning- science. Something about it held her attention far better than any other subject- it held the keys to the universe, the keys to her own existence, and she wanted to unlock those secrets more than anything. Maybe, just maybe, she’d find the secret to normalcy there, too.

She poured her life into the field, desperate to learn as much as she could about this strange world she lived in, to better perceive where she fit into the great machine of life. She knew she had a place somewhere- she wasn’t just some loose gear jamming up the works, she couldn’t be!

She sped through school, then university, getting her first PhD in biochemistry at a young age. Armed with knowledge and the tools needed to conduct her experiments, she started on her own projects, picking the lock of the mystery of life.

 

 

 

**_On Sweeterizing Cookies_ **

_By Wasabi Cookie, PhD_

_I will preface this paper with my initial thoughts and intentions. As those who know me know, I am not a sweet cookie. Far from it, actually. I would be lying if I said this project was not at all tied to trying to cure my own condition, and I have no shame for doing so. If my research can aid one other person, however, I will consider it worth the potential backlash._

  
  
  
  


Only after gaining her degree did she meet someone else like her.

Her name was Ghost Pepper, an athlete on the school’s wrestling team who had taken Wasabi’s introductory biology class out of necessity. She was obviously bored out of her skull, the wonderfully weird world of science failing to hold her attention in any kind of meaningful way. All the same, the young doctor felt a certain kinship with the wrestler. Her spiciness drove those around her away, leaving her all alone- Wasabi could see that much. However, unlike Wasabi, she reacted to loneliness with aggression, only serving to reaffirm the fears of those around her. Wasabi could see the spark in her, a spark of passion about what she loved, but it was hidden under a thick, defensive shell.

She was the perfect guinea pig.

Ghost Pepper was easy to convince- she needed the extra credit to not flunk out of the class, and the doctor’s proposed experiment had the potential to fill the void her loneliness had made. She agreed with much of a second thought, working in her free time with Dr. Wasabi.

  
  
  


_The subject of my initial experiments is one Ms. Ghost Pepper Cookie, a student at the university. A copy of her consent waiver is attached to this paper- she has been informed of the risks involved and has agreed to go through with the tests._

_Initial psychological examinations and DNA tests show her to have a similar condition to mine, and is thus classed as an “Non-Sweet” cookie (NS from here on), much like myself. It is worth noting that any experiments I conduct on her I will first conduct on my lab animals, and will only continue onto cookie trials if they prove safe on them._

_The goal of this study is to find a way to make NS cookies sweeter in an attempt to mitigate the effects of their condition, making it easier for them to integrate into a Sweet cookie-dominated society._

  
  


No real tests were ever done on Ghost Pepper- Wasabi was easily distracted, she found out, so she’d exploit the professor’s weakness by getting her off topic. Within this time period, Wasabi developed the first draft of her (later patented) Wasabi Syrup, bred a new kind of algae, and even created sentient life in the form of Octo Wasabi, who would become a lifelong friend.

All the while, she kept slowly working on the Sweeterizing paper. She hoped to have at least the first draft done in time to try it on her favorite test subject, but it kept getting pushed back and forgotten and by the time she had made serious headway, Ghost Pepper had graduated, going on to become a professional wrestler the way she’d always dreamed.

Wasabi was happy for her, how couldn’t she be? The two had grown close, and Wasabi knew how desperately the younger woman wanted to make it in the world of her sport. Of course the doctor was happy for her success! More than happy- she was _proud,_ proud of how the girl had overcome her challenges to pursue her dreams. But, all the same, graduation was bittersweet, and Wasabi quickly found she hadn’t just lost her test subject, she’d lost her only real friend as well. With Ghost Pepper gone, she was all alone again.

The Sweeterizing paper was tucked into a filing cabinet and forgotten for a long time afterwards, shelved until further notice by the scientist.

  
  


_After abandoning this project for seven years, I have decided to revisit it. I have renewed interest in the project after recent personal events, and so I hope to continue towards curing Non Sweetness._

_Ghost Pepper Cookie has been contacted, but I personally doubt she will respond due to her career (side note, yes I do watch professional wrestling, no I still do not understand the appeal), but I am seeking other NS individuals to participate in the meantime._

 

Wasabi was never good with long-term relationships. She had short flings, but nothing that lasted more than a couple months at most. All the same, Wasabi did desire something that most happy couples could obtain more easily than she could.

Well, sometimes you just have to go do things yourself.

Dijon was born fatherless, half of his DNA artificially crafted by his scientist mother, the other half having been taken from her own body. He was her greatest pride and joy, her favorite successful experiment, something precious she knew from day one she wanted to give the world to.

As Dijon grew older, it became apparent that, like his mother, he too was Non-Sweet. Dr. Wasabi, upon finding this out, felt an old fear creeping in on her. Her childhood had been hard enough, she didn’t want _him_ to go through the same problems as her.

And so, the Sweeterizing paper was dug out, and Wasabi got to work starting her search for sweetness again.

  


_I now have an updated list of participants, along with their waivers once again attached to the back. These are all cookies that have been classed as NS by medical professionals and have agreed to partake in these experiments, and will be reimbursed for their time. The current list of participants are as follows:_

_Myself, Dr. Wasabi Cookie_

_Mr. Salt Cookie_

_Mx. Bonito Cookie_

_Mr. Cumin Cookie_

_Ms. Cayenne Cookie_

_Mrs. Ghost Pepper Cookie_

_Mx. Basil Cookie_

_All of the above have consented to participating in these experiments and have been informed of the potential risks._

_I am thrilled to have these individuals working alongside me, and I welcome back Ghost Pepper Cookie to the experiment and thank her for taking time out of her busy schedule to answer my calls and agree to participate in this project._

_Included are my notes from the initial interviews with the participants, which have a summary of their individual personalities in order to have a point of reference to judge their progress by._

  


_Mr. Salt Cookie maintained a certain cold formality throughout the interview, and my educated guess is that the interview- and perhaps the project- are outside of his comfort zone. He had an almost practiced politeness in his speech, which kept me from getting a good judgement of his character. More is to be determined about him. His flavor category is Salty, as expected._

  


Salt was a couple years Dr. Wasabi’s junior, a fisherman by trade who seemed to carry some kind of deep chip on his shoulder. He was quieter than the others, almost never spoken unless spoken to, but he also didn’t have a mean bone in his body- he’d be more than willing to help the others in times of crisis and despair, a shoulder to cry on if anyone needed it.

He was more than reluctant to talk about his past, however. Every time it was brought up, he’d either change the subject or shut down entirely. Wasabi realized this quickly and, as courtesy to him, avoided talking about it.

  


_Mx. Bonito Cookie carried themself with a casual air that made myself immediately relax around them. They seem enthusiastic about the project, much to my relief. They seem to be comfortable around people, which, given the somewhat antisocial behavior of some of the other candidates, might prove useful in breaking the ice between them. Their flavor category is Savory._

  


Dr. Wasabi felt the strongest kinship with Bonito- though she was pretty sure the others would agree with her. They were laid back and none-too-confrontational, happy to work through other’s problems one at a time. However, the scientist would soon come to realize that Bonito wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows- they strove more than anything to not be a burden to the rest of the group, and as such were extremely reluctant to talk about their own challenges and problems, which ironically enough posed a worse challenge- keeping up a facade of casualness in order to hide their bottled-up problems.

As the weeks passed, they would eventually break down, revealing the source of their fear of being a burden- they’d been a lot more open as a child, but had been reprimanded to the point of closing off to others. After their little meltdown, they started opening up more to the others, a fact that felt like a sigh of relief to their worried fellow participants.

  


_Mr. Cumin Cookie seemed to be on the verge of tears throughout the entire interview. A more in-depth review of his personality will be done at a future date. His flavor category is Spicy._

  


Cumin was surprisingly sweet in personality, though extremely shy around the others- he rarely interjected or interrupted any conversation, and would be loathe to speak any louder than just above a whisper. He also had trouble asking for anything from anyone, looking like he half expected to be reprimanded for the most simple requests. Wasabi saw the other participants become gentler with him, even those who were generally prickly towards others.

  


_Ms. Cayenne Cookie is quite standoffish and a little stubborn, if my first impressions are correct. She deliberately maintained eye contact throughout the interview_ , _I believe in attempt to intimidate me. It will be interesting to see how she she interacts with the other participants. Her flavor category is Spicy._

  


Cayenne was a pain in the ass, in Wasabi’s personal opinion. She was rude, seemingly uncaring of those around her, and prickly towards all who’d dare ask her about herself. However, much like the others, she grew attached to Cumin, shedding her metaphorical spines to keep him safe and comfortable. It gave Dr. Wasabi hope that she had some smidge of sweetness inside that shell of spice, and that she wouldn’t be too hot to handle- literally.

  


_I am happy to reunite with Mrs. Ghost Pepper Cookie for this project. Since our last meeting, she seems to have become more social and friendly, though it might have just been because we were previously acquainted. All the same, I’m excited to work with an old friend. Her flavor category is Spicy._

  


Ghost Pepper had, indeed, become more open about her feelings in the seven years she and Wasabi had been apart. The scientist was excited to learn that Ghost Pepper had since married and now had two children, a three-year-old daughter named Chili Pepper and a newborn son named Red Pepper, both of whom she was extremely proud of. As someone who knew her way around the lab, she helped the other participants get comfortable, always offering a hand to guide those who got lost. Wasabi was proud of how for far she’d come from the closed off, aggressive little college wrestler who was forced to hang out with a nerd like Wasabi to get a passing grade.

  


_Mx. Basil Cookie carries a certain sadness with them. They didn’t look up from their hands the entire interview, and seemed content in complacency, nodding and agreeing to everything I proposed. I hope I can find where that sadness stems from and help ease that pain, if at all possible. Their flavor category is Savory._

  


Basil was older than the rest of the group by a few years, and they always had a melancholy air to them- even their smile was sad. They tried their best to stay on everyone’s good side, taking the role of follower- Dr. Wasabi realized that not only did they not like leadership roles, they actively avoided them. It took Wasabi and the others quite a while to learn they’d been a sheltered child, and thus new things tended to frighten them- and, having followed others almost their entire life, they were reluctant to be followed instead. The others learned to help them through new challenges, being a little more patient for the sad little cookie than they were with each other.

  


_After extensive research and animal testing, I believe I have a functional formula ready for Cookie trials. I have divided my group of participants in half- Bonito, Cumin, and Ghost Pepper will receive a weekly dose of the serum, while Salt, Cayenne, and Basil will receive a placebo.  I will document any changes that have occured in each participant, physical or psychological, before administering each dose. As stated before, the participants have been notified of the risks involved with these clinical trials and have agreed to participate._

 

**_Week 1:_ ** _None of the participants have been administered the serum yet. No recorded changes in any of the participants of either group._

 

Bonito had been the easiest to administer the shot to- they’d simply rolled up their sleeve and gotten it over with. The others, on the other hand, had been a little trickier- Salt and Basil had been shaky the entire time, clearly afraid of needles, and Cayenne had to practically be restrained. Cumin looked like they were on the verge of having a full-blown panic attack at the mere sight of the needles, and Ghost Pepper had gotten weirdly aggressive, only growling a “get it over with” to the scientist.

 

**_Week 2:_ ** _No recorded changes in any of the participants of either group._

**_Week 3:_ ** _No recorded changes in any of the participants of either group._

**_Week 4:_ ** _No recorded changes in any of the participants of either group._

**_Week 5:_ ** _Ghost Pepper reports a mild feeling of “tingling” in the fingertips, along with an improved mood. Bonito reports a mild headache. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


After administering the shot to Bonito, their headache reportedly got better, along with their mood. Dr. Wasabi found this interesting- a side effect, perhaps?

_Bonito reports their headache to have dissipated after being administered the shot. More information needed on whether migraines are caused by withdrawal._

  


**_Week 10:_ ** _Cumin has chosen to participate with the group rather than opting out as he usually does. Bonito managed to talk about their emotions with the group, which is a sign of their increasing autonomy. Bonito also reports a mild tingling in the extremities. Ghost Pepper still reports the tingling sensation, although more widespread and, according to her, pleasant. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


“Hell if I know what you put in this stuff, Doc, but it’s a goddamn miracle.”

Ghost Pepper had been more than pleased by the results of Wasabi’s serum, and it seemed the rest of the test group wasn’t disagreeing with her. Wasabi felt a certain sense of pride in her serum- it was working as well as it had in the animal trials- better, even! She might actually be onto something big, a permanent solution for Cookies born Non-Sweet.

The control group wasn’t feeling the same effects, sure- but it just went to show that the experiments were indeed working. There was a visible difference between the test group and the control group- and, the scientist hypothesised, that difference would only become more apparent over time.

 

**_Week 160:_ ** _Almost all of Ghost Pepper’s previous excessive aggression has been replaced with a functional, friendly,_ _sweet_ _demeanor.  Cumin has become confident in himself, easily able to talk to those around him without fear. His social anxiety is practically nonexistent.  Bonito has been less lenient to others, learning to stand up for themself. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

_I believe this experiment has been extremely successful so far. I am going to decrease my test group’s dosage by half, in order to wean them off the serum, as I believe these three Sweet cookies are no longer in need of it. I will record any changes as they occur._

  


**_Week 164:_ ** _The test group, upon being given a half dosage for 4 weeks, have started reverting back to their previous NS personalities. Ghost Pepper shows increased aggression, Bonito has started closing themself off again, Cumin’s anxiety has returned. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

_This new development is troubling. It seems the sweetness serum needs to be constantly administered in its full dose in order for the effects to last. I will increase the dosage back to a full dose and will record any changes that occur._

  


**_Week 174:_ ** _Even after 10 weeks back on a full dosage of the serum, the subjects have failed to fully recover from the withdrawal. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


**_Week 200:_ ** _Several months have passed, and the test group has failed to return to the point they were at before I initially decreased the dosage. If this trend continues, I will increase the dosage to 1½ dose. I have begun separating the test and control groups. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


**_Week 210:_ ** _I have increased the dosage to 1½ dose.  No recorded changes in any of the participants of either group._

  


**_Week 225:_ ** _The test subjects are improving, but at a drastically slower rate than they had been previously. If this trend continues by week 240, I will increase the dosage to a double dose. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

 

Wasabi now sat alone in her kitchen, looking over her notes again- and again, they baffled and frustrated her. Decreasing the dosage shouldn’t have done this much damage to the state of the experiment- so why had it? Where had she gone wrong? Had an unknown variable been introduced that had thrown a monkey wrench into the whole project?

“Mom?”

She looked up to find Dijon, now ten years old, standing in the doorway. She smiled gently at her son, the light of her life, the one who had lead to her experiment in the first place. “Hey, kiddo. Need anything?”

“Couldn’t finish my math homework…”

“Hm? Lemme take a gander at it, alright?”

Dijon nodded, smiling his precious smile, and ran off to get his worksheets. Wasabi smiled, then sighed, closing her notes- she could deal with the sweeterizing project tomorrow.

  


**_Week 245:_ ** _After 5 weeks on the double dose of serum, the test group has shown a similar rate of improvement to the initial weeks of the experiment, which is a huge relief. Control group has been completely isolated from test group. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


**_Week 260:_ ** _Test group has returned to the point they were at on week 160.  No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


**_Week 265:_ ** _Test group’s progress has plateaued. Will have both groups psychologically analyzed at week 270. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


**_Week 270:_ ** _Both groups have been psychologically analyzed by a professional psychologist. All members of the control group tested positive as NS, whereas all three of the test subjects have not only been confirmed Sweet, they show no signs of any other mental illnesses._

_This news is extremely exciting to hear. This could be a major breakthrough in the medical field, if the tests remain consistent over the next few weeks. I don’t want to jinx myself, but I believe I might have actually cured Non-Sweetness._

  


**_Week 300:_ ** _The test group has started reverting to their pretrial mental states. Ghost Pepper has been increasingly irritable. Bonito has started slacking off and leaving decisions to the others in activities again. Cumin’s anxiety has started returning. I have administered the same amount of serum as before, if this trend continues by week 310  I will triple the dosage. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


**_Week 310:_ ** _Ghost Pepper is outwardly aggressive past the point she was pretrial. Bonito has become completely unwilling to make any decisions themself. Cumin has become anxious to the point of paranoia, and has become barely verbal. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

_I will be separating the test group from each other and tripling their dosage of serum. If these trends continue, I will suggest staying at the lab 24/7 until this issue is solved to the participants._

  


“Mom?”

Wasabi sat up with a snort, research papers stuck to her face where she’d fallen asleep on them. “Whu- Dijon? Anythin’ wrong?”

She looked up into the face of her 12-year old, who had been gently shaking her shoulder. “Mom, you fell asleep on your desk again…”

“Oh, I did?” She looked down at where she’d been lying and- yep, that was her desk alright. “Heheh, sorry kiddo. Work’s been rough recently.”

“Mom, I’m starting to worry about you… this is the third time this week you’ve fallen asleep like this!”

“Aw, don’t worry too much about little old me… Your old mom’ll be over and done with this experiment soon, alright?”

Dijon didn’t look convinced, so Wasabi put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, how’s about I take you out to get ice cream this weekend, eh? We can make a day trip out to that little place two towns over- you  know, the one with the super special sprinkles?”

“You can’t just bribe me with ice cream every time…” Dijon mumbled, but finally gave in with a sigh. “Fine. Deal.”   

“That’s a good lad,” she smirked, ruffling up his hair, much to Dijon’s chagrin.

“Mooooooom… You still need to go to bed!”

“Fine, Kiddo… I’m going, I’m going, I promise…”

  
  


**_Week 315:_ ** _The test group’s demeanors are continuing to deteriorate, despite the increased dosage. The three test subjects are now staying at my lab, where they are being monitored 24/7. No recorded changes in any of the participants in the control group._

  


**_Week 318:_ ** _Bonito is the only one of the three who is still verbal. Ghost Pepper had to be restrained, and is showing less signs of sentience. Cumin has refused to leave one corner of the lab since his arrival. The control group has been dismissed._

_I am now only looking for a way to reverse the effects of the serum. The control group is no longer needed._

  


**_Week 322:_ ** _Bonito is no longer verbal. I have had to keep Ghost Pepper locked within the confines of a cell, out of fear she may attack me or the others if left unrestrained. Cumin has chosen to stay within a secondary cell out of what appears to be paranoia._

_Their families have been informed that they were captured by the witch, along with Cayenne, who has also been reported missing- though I believe she has actually fallen prey to the hag._

  


**_Week 340:_ ** _Bonito was found deceased, after seemingly breaking into my chemical stores and drinking hydrogen peroxide._

 

_Their body has been disposed of._

_I didn’t want this._

  
  
  
  


**_Week 345:_ ** _Cumin was found deceased from blood loss after biting through his own wrist._

 

_I just wanted to be sweeter._

  
  
  


**_Week 350:_ ** _Ghost Pepper has exhibited behavior similar to that of rabid beasts. I must consider the possibility of these effects being irreversible._

  
  
  
  


**_Week 352:_ **

  


_I’m sorry._

  


_You were my first and only true friend._

 

_You had a life, a family, a cause._

  


_And I stole it from you._

  
  


_Ghost Pepper,_

  
  
  
  
  
  


_Forgive me._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Dr. Wasabi kept digging, hands covered in muddy dirt from the rain-soaked earth- and still she dug, ignoring her aching muscles and chilled body, until the grave was big enough for her purposes. She crawled out of the hole, then grabbed the heavy sack next to her, heaving it in and quickly covering it back up. She knew no one would find any of the three bodies out here in the woods- the rain would wash away her trail, and she’d go home and wash the deed from her shaking hands.

Her experiment had gone horrifically wrong, and now the three people she’d grown so close to over the past few months were all gone, all long gone, never to come back.

She looked back at the graves, at what she’d done, and she laughed.

 

She laughed, and her rain-soaked shoulders shook.

 

She laughed, and her eyes stung with hot tears.

 

She laughed, though her heart screamed and twisted in agony.

 

She laughed, for she could do nothing else.

  


And she laughed for the sake of laughing, and nothing else.

  


The world was absurd.  

Sometimes all you can do is laugh at it.

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_I am officially declaring this experiment over and done with, and I will never return to it again. I will not destroy the evidence of its existence, but I will never pursue such impossibilities again._

 

_I am not Sweet. I will never be Sweet. Dijon, my beautiful Dijon, will never be sweet._

 

_It has taken far too much of a sacrifice to learn this. I will never do another test like this ever again._

 

_-Dr. Wasabi Cookie_

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Mustard dropped the document with shaking hands, stepping away from the papers. Since she’d come to stay with Wasabi after the deaths of her parents, her grandmother had always reaffirmed that she didn’t have to be sweet- and yet she’d never known why. Now, laid bare before her, was a horrific document that held the very reason.

 

She knew she couldn’t tell anyone about this- her grandmother would be taken away, locked up in some institution with no hope of getting out. Even after all that she’d learned, she couldn’t let that happen.

 

So she did what Wasabi had failed to do years ago.

 

She dumped the files gracelessly into a trash can and, with a flick of a lighter, buried the secrets her grandmother kept for good.

It was better this way.

 

It was better no one else ever knew of this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for making it through, leave a kudos and a comment if you enjoyed, now back to your regularly scheduled entertainment.


End file.
